These phrases, and those who use them, should be banned

"Word to the wise" Naturally, I will be compelled to make a habit of doing the opposite.
"At the end of the day..." This meaningless preface is used by politicians and others riding high horses in an attempt to erase all arguments that have come before. It doesn't work.
"Movers and shakers" I despise these people and those who acknowledge them.
"It's all good" Used by people self-righteously trying to throw a fire blanket over an argument, serves only to negate the existence of anything good in the world.
"Easy tiger" This is a soft "shut up" that makes me wish I was in fact a tiger and could claw you.
"I'm more than happy to" Swap more with less, and you have a true statement.
"By the by...." A prepositional mess that makes no sense and serves no purpose other than to delay the topic you intend to broach.
"Lots of moving parts" A flimsy excuse for why something is not getting done, and that something always tends to not have many "parts," nor do they really "move."
"Largely succeeds in..." Either it succeeds, or it doesn't. Please commit.
"Wait for it..." In the time you have made me wait, I have decided your punchline will be no more original than this filler.
"Hit the gym" You are much less likely to see the results of the gym on a person who does this than on a someone who goes to the gym.
"At this moment in time" As if the outlook would be different at any other time.
"I just wanted to give you a heads up" Because you now you know you are about to be f-cked, but somehow you should be less angry.
"Whatever..." Quite possibly the most dismissive reaction a person could have to words coming out of my mouth. A more efficient way of saying that you don't give a shit.
"did you get my...." If you have to ask, you know the answer. I did, and I don't care to respond.
"X is the new Y" Nothing is new anymore, and don't even get started counting the layers of irony to decide how meta this thing is.

Is this where I act surprised?

The House of Representatives today passed H.R. 180, the Darfur Accountability and Divestment act of 2007 by an overwhelming majority of 418 to 1.

Which begs the question, WHO IS THE ONE PERSON WHO VOTED NO?

He is Texas Republican Ron Paul.

Apparently, Congressman Paul --who is running for President-- doesn't feel the need to establish a federal list of culpable companies doing business with Khartoum, as H.R. 180 will do. Ron Paul does not believe that there should be a bill that prohibits federal contracts with companies doing business with Khartoum, and Ron Paul does not believe in authorizing states to divest from offending companies.

Here's another lovely thought: Genocide-loving Ron Paul sits on the subcommittee for International Organizations, Human Rights and Oversight.

So for all four of you out there reading this, I urge you to call Ron Paul at 202.225.2831 and tell him you think he's a immoral, baby-killing heathen who should be given a one-way ticket out of the human race, unless he cleans up his act.

I wish I could rearrange my cochlea, then I wouldn't have to hear you

There is someone within earshot of me who makes me want to gouge my eyes with a spoon. I'm compelled to share the reason why.

Beyond engaging in annoying but harmless activities, such as posting mutually unattractive boob-to-boob portraits of herself and her friends on her Facebook page, and claiming a certain recently rehabbed actress' ex-boyfriend as her "good friend" (I'm pretty sure they only met once, and he doesn't return her calls, from what I can tell), this person's accent is beyond irritating.

Although there's a clear subset of the NYC population who talks like this, the accent in question has no clear geographical ties. One friend did point out that it seems to be "distantly related to Long Island in some way," and I believe this to be true. I also think that if you speak with this brand of affected diction, chances are you are well under 30 and have recently walked through the Meatpacking district with your skirt askew. It turns the word "happy" into something like "haughpy," and natch, is a speech pattern oft-accompanied by heavy eyeliner and aggressive highlights.

If you still can't call it up, my friend hit the nail on the head: "[it's] the voice of self-importance - too much inflection on every word as if you are telling a really fascinating story when just relaying which bodega has the best salad options."

I've heard enough.

3 things on my mind

Filthy Cabs
You know that indentation behind the cab's inside door handle? I saw one this weekend that really did resemble a petri dish. And there was enough garbage on the floor to make one think that the cab was used as a float in the Puerto Rican Day parade. If this happens to you, I implore you: Do not tip the driver. No one should feel like they need to be autoclaved when they get out of the car. And for the love of God, Mr. Cab driver, how about investing in a package of Pledge Wipes? Anything would help.


Your leggings
July is in full swing, the humidity is through the roof. What to wear, you wonder? If the answer is leggings, I'd like to say the following to you:
Lady, it's 90 degrees out. Those leggings? I want to use my stiletto to rip them off your sweaty limbs. Save leggings for winter!




Buttered toast
Do you know how hard it is for a line cook to butter toast? Apparently, it very, very difficult. It backs the whole kitchen up. Or so the latest wave of waiters and waitresses would have you think. It's not like I'm asking you to cut my crusts off (full disclosure: it's crossed my mind) -- I'm asking you to finish the job you started. Toast, in typical American breakfast establishments, is made up of one part bread, one part butter. When you don't butter it in the kitchen, the bread is too cold to melt the butter once its made its way to my table five minutes later. And the rest of my food gets cold as I try to finish the job you started. Can we please work on this?

Harry Fodder: There really are no words for this

There is so much that is wrong with this photo, I don't know where to begin. This photo is from the new issue of Details. As my gay friend just said, "If you aren't gay, you really shouldn't pose for Details. Wait, let me rephrase: You really just shouldn't pose for Details." I'm not sure what chemical will erase this from my mind's eye, but I need to get a hold of it, and fast.

iWant my iPhone

I've been away for a week, so I've managed to avoid most of the iPhone hype. No longer.

iWant my iPhone.

On Sunday, iVisited the Apple store, iFooled around with the iPhone, and iFound it to be everything iWanted it to be, and more.

iNeed it, and iNeed it soon. Stay tuned.