I wish I could rearrange my cochlea, then I wouldn't have to hear you

There is someone within earshot of me who makes me want to gouge my eyes with a spoon. I'm compelled to share the reason why.

Beyond engaging in annoying but harmless activities, such as posting mutually unattractive boob-to-boob portraits of herself and her friends on her Facebook page, and claiming a certain recently rehabbed actress' ex-boyfriend as her "good friend" (I'm pretty sure they only met once, and he doesn't return her calls, from what I can tell), this person's accent is beyond irritating.

Although there's a clear subset of the NYC population who talks like this, the accent in question has no clear geographical ties. One friend did point out that it seems to be "distantly related to Long Island in some way," and I believe this to be true. I also think that if you speak with this brand of affected diction, chances are you are well under 30 and have recently walked through the Meatpacking district with your skirt askew. It turns the word "happy" into something like "haughpy," and natch, is a speech pattern oft-accompanied by heavy eyeliner and aggressive highlights.

If you still can't call it up, my friend hit the nail on the head: "[it's] the voice of self-importance - too much inflection on every word as if you are telling a really fascinating story when just relaying which bodega has the best salad options."

I've heard enough.